My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
