so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize