Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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