Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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