I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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