hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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