They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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