Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
