Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im holly from the hills drunk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize