Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize