He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
