so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
