I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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