you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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