it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
