i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
