I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
