she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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