I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
