sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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