Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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