nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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