Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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