They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
