with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
