I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
