I'm going to jail i love you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
