Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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