i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
