I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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