You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
