very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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