Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize