how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
