He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
