I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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