this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
