i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
