i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
