need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
