yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
