I think I died a long time ago.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
