shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
