So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
