What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
