I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
