I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
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