Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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