The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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