I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
