i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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