2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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