I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got her a Nickelback box set.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
