Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
