You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
