when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
