I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
