I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
