She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
