I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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