allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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