he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
