so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
