Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
50% drunk capacity currently
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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