my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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