he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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