I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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