Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize