so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
