I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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