whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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