3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
