Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
