does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am available for nakedness
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
