Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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