Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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