Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He has the fingertips of a God
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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