I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
