remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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